9 posts tagged “the hills”
This will be the last time I write about Audrina. I see this idiot all over town. And every time I see her, she looks more normal and sorta pretty and less like the vapid robot-in-a-coma troglodyte she portrays on The Hills. (Sorry Goldie, but it's true). I saw Audrina walking down the street by Runyon Cyn. over the weekend. She was decked out in a cute outfit and looked sorta alright and not that dumb. She was not coming from a hike, but stepping out of an apartment on her way out with a girl friend.
If you have a small appetite and want to throw $15 out the window, then Whole Foods by the Grove is the place to go for lunch. But not all was lost in my soy-chicken-salad-bread-pudding meal. I got some Snacks out of it.
Audrina Partridge, sans camera crew, sans fucktard boyfriend, sans heavy makeup was at the sandwich take out line. In cheap jeans. Gurlllll, lemme tell you. Actually, no. Not much else to tell. Would it be weird to say she doesn't look as dumb in person?
Also spotted walking in to the lunch hour madness of overpriced food was old haggered meth face, Andy Dick. With some young assistant looking type - who had trouble finding the car in the parking lot afterwards.
In keeping with the theme, the picture on the right came up when I googled Audrina.
Justin Bobby, Audrina's on again off again dumber-than-she-is-boyfriend who aspires to look like a greasy fucktard version of Johnny Depp, was spotted cruising in his old ironic piece-of-shit-mobile in Santa Monica recently. Mr. Bobby had his hair pulled back in a pony tail and was, and I kid you not, low riding.
I couldn't find a picture of this idiot, but when I googled his name, this snow monster on the right came up. So I went with it.
Cause I know you kids are like toothless crack whores for this shit, your Snackmaster has some Hills rock for you. Get your pipes out.
Multiple sources were in attendance at some "Hey You Apathetic 18 Year Old, Get Out and Vote so We Don't End Up With Another Fucktard in 2008" event at the Annenberg Center for Performing Arts last Thursday. Also in attendance were Hills vixens Lauren, Whitney, and Heidi (in separate corners, of course). Plus a clusterfuck of producers swarming around them. Audrina was absent. Cause you know that troglodyte can't even breathe with her mouth closed let alone figure out a ballot.
Anyhow, one source reported seeing Heidi come up to Lauren, and that Lauren looked noticeably awkward and upset and then they errupted into some kind of squabble. Then later, my source reported seeing the SAME EXACT SCENE go down. This time with cameras. And finally, it happened for a third time. Cause in reality, everything looks best the third time it happens. Look for the non-contrived squabble on next week's episode of The Hills.
Ever since I heard him on Howard Stern a while ago, I kinda like the Fiddy. For someone who's been shot in the face and around eight other places, he's a pretty articulate guy. I sent a few of my Snacker sources to his performance at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas on Saturday night and they came back with this report:
Mostly C and D listers were in attendance. LC and Brody were there. Not
together. And LC, getting too big for her C list britches, refused to pose for any pictures.
Kevin Connelly was in attendance and much like his on screen alter ego, the pint sized New Yorker appeared to think he was cooler than he actually was.
Also in attendance but not doing anything noticeable like punching someone's ex in the face: Criss Angel, Cris Judd, Ciara, and Josh Henderson.
I've defended The Hills before. Not as a good show, but as an addiction similar to crack. So in honoring all the crackwhores out there, I present you with not one, but two Hills sightings. Whitney, LC's Teen Vogue co-worker, and perhaps secretly smart friend was spotted at the West Elm store in Santa Monica last week.
My super source had this to say about Whitney: "Defining feature: TALL. Expensive looking hand bag. Salesman helping her was not particularly flirty...either he didn't know who she was, he didn't care who she was, or he was waiting for the right time to describe the burnt sienna color palette she was looking at as a slightly darker shade of LC's meat curtains." Source then shriveled up and died after writing that last sentence.
And then Heidi, a rival of Miss South Carolina for brilliance overachieving, and one half of the Spencer/Heidi douchebag duo was seen working. Yes, working. Dressed casually and with minimal makeup, Heidi checked rednecks, d-list celebs, and press in to a Nascar event that took place at Avalon in Hollywood last week. Nobody noticed her. And she seemed sad.
We'll just call this D-list Tuesday. Audrina from the best show on TV, The Hills, was spotted walking into the CPK at Sunset and Crescent Heights on Sunday afternoon. She looked skinny. And totally vacant. Just like she does on TV. She was with a dude who source described as "kinda hot", but was wearing what looked like a wool pillowcase on his head. In 90 degree heat. Boo.
I dare you to find a worse show on TV than The Hills. It is goddamn mind-numbingly addictive. Once you start watching, you can't help but run into the office the next day, find the first 22 year old you see, strap her to the water cooler by her skinny jeans and discuss the previous night's episode. Hills protagonist, Lauren Conrad was spotted at Winstons this past week. Source reports that she looked prettier in person, was drinking -but not going crazy, and that nobody seemed to care that she was there. Eh.
So there's this little MTV show called The Hills. The show's main characters, as some of you already know, are a bunch of rich assholes running around having blase conversations and mild dramatic episodes in between trips to the spa and Area. Watching it will melt your brain. It's reality show crack. Addictive and bad for you.
Here's the scoop: Heidi Montag, Lauren's roomate and douchebag Spencer's dumb as dogshit girlfriend is..wait for it...wait for it...trying to record an album. A little spy saw the pair in a recording studio together and apparently Heidi is fucking awful. Well, duh. No word on when the CD will drop. Or when tickets go on sale for her world tour.
