Celeb Snacker

Amanda Bynes - Sweetest (Non-Teenage Mom) Nickelodeon Star Ever

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 11:59:00 -0700

There's only room on this planet for one Hilary Duff

Amanda Bynes has been in a few movies that most people have heard of - Hairspray, She's the Man, What a Girl Wants - when her peace sign holding movie poster pose was infamously photoshopped out because we were about to start a war in Iraq and some dumbfuck thought a peace sign was unpatriotic.

But if you're over 30 and not a gay man, you probably have heard her name, but don't really care much about who she is. (The solution to that is an addiction to meth and a very public "hitting rock bottom" when your publicist "secretly" records then releases video footage of that weekend bender at the Chateau Marmont). Just a thought.

It seems though that Bynes is a long way from that lost weekend. Peepsqueek spotted Ms.Bynes in the Valley this past Sunday, on Ventura Blvd. Amanda walked by Il Tram holding onto her grandmother's hand and carrying her shopping bags! I mean, it couldn't get any sweeter than that if she had bluebirds twirling above her head while she blew air kisses at lovestruck hobos.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Is It Time to Stop Hating Jennifer Love Hewitt?

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:58:01 -0700

Jennifer Love Hewitt has perfected the squinty eyed asshole face

Girls hate Jennifer Love Hewiit. This is a fact. Boys love her though. Something to do with having huge knockers (check it---------->)

Ok, maybe not all girls hate her, but A LOT do. This one in particular. Ever since she was pouting around Bailey, she has bugged the shit outta me. But then I go and get this report from Peepsqueek and I have to consider changing my stance on her. Shoot.

My reliable source Peepsqueek was out for a birthday dinner at La Loggia in the Valley the other night. In walks Jenny Love. She stops by Peep's table and starts chatting up a few of the girls wanting to know what they are celebrating. Then a few minutes later, a server shows up with a bottle of champagne - compliments of former bitchface, but now kind of a sweetheart, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Does that merit going dry on the Haterade? I mean, it's not like she sent over a box of puppies with hundred dollar bills tucked into their flea collars. RIght?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Fisher Stevens is an F-List Hummingbird and Not a Real Indian

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:17:37 -0700

Matzah ball chutney

I was a pretty smart kid. Always aware of my surroundings. Watched adult TV shows like Moonlighting and Cheers. Read books and judged other little kids for using bad grammar and not knowing who Nadia Comaneci was. But I had NO IDEA until last Friday night that the Indian guy from Short Circuit was not a real Indian, but some Jewish guy from Chicago.

Fisher Fucking Stevens, aka Steven Fishbaum, was at The Pali House having drinks with a few twatty looking girls when our table spotted him and immediately got on their Blackberrys and iPod Touches to finger out exactly why he looked so familiar. We were a few drinks in when one of us figured out who he was and blurted his name like she had just won a cruise Bingo game.

He totally heard us talking about him and when the faux Indian walked by our table on his way to the bathroom, he lingered around us like a hummingbird for a few seconds, made a weird hand gesture, and then continued on his way to the bathroom. What the fuck was that?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Erin Daniels Stuns Bar Patrons By Showing Up in World's Foxiest Little Black Dress

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:24:11 -0700

Srsly

I usually try not to do this. But sometimes I get all gushy over a Snacker sighting.

Erin Daniels, beloved Dana on The L Word, was being upstaged by the hottest little black dress I have ever seen, at The Pali House lounge on Saturday night. She looked amazing and the dress was perfect. Daniels was there for some douchebag in shorts's birthday. Also there, Daniels' totally unworthy boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. Sorry girls.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

That Guy, Nick Lachey, Barely Identifiable in Calabasas

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:14:11 -0700

I just need a hug

Poor Nick Lachey. He seems like a nice enough man. He doesn't come off as douchey or annoyingly religious or dumb like some of those Backstreet fools. He's not out there pimping his perky self hosting some show like Mario Lopez of Joey FatOne. Sure he was married to a tube of lipgloss with boobs, but I get it - she's hot. Still, Nick Lachey makes me sad.

My mom, a regular source, spotted Nick Lachey at the gas station in Calabasas yesterday. After a five minute phone conversation in which she proclaimed to have never heard the word "blog" she got to telling me in a 'oh, by the way' manner that she saw 'that guy whose brother was on Dancing With the Stars' at the gas station. Even she had no love for Nick. I got no details on what he was wearing or what kind of car he was pumping gas into since my mom thought that his status was so low that he was not Snacker worthy. I obvs disagree.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Paula Abdul - Big Head, Bigger Hair

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:47:47 -0700

Bedazzled flat iron equals crazy brillz

Sunday night, source Dr. K was chillaxin' at the Sherman Oaks Galleria (a mall made famous by Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but in recent years has been torn down to nothing but a Cheesecake Factory and a parking lot - sad) when she spied, in her words, a big ass head walking (wobbling?) by her.

That head was atop the slurry midget better known as Paula Abdul. Dr. K couldn't get over how big Abdul's hair was. Obvs she was not using that flatiron (see ---------->) that day. According to Dr. K, Abdul looked, "sorta out of it" but pulled herself together enough to put on a decent pair of jeans and heels. Good for her.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Need a Ride from the Airport? Samm Levine is Your Go-To Geek

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:36:23 -0700

Great geek

I just came back from the (hot as balls) East Coast and while I didn't have any luck mingling with Lower East Side-dwelling celebs, I did spot a Judd Apatow fave at the Burbank Airport (which is not much of an airport, more like a taco stand with a plane).

Samm Levine, the geek on Freaks and Geeks who would have been dropped by his senior year by the other geeks for being too geeky, was picking up a friend at the Terminal A baggage claim. Levine was dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, baseball hat, and the piece de resistance, BIRKENSTOCKS! He looked like a kid I would have (regrettably) made out with at camp. In 1993.

According to IMBD, Levine's got a few projects in the can, so I'll assume the friend he was picking up was indeed a friend, and not a customer of his airport delivery service.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

My Total Missed Opportunity to Geek Out for Janeane Garofalo

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:02:08 -0700

Sagebrush High class of 88

Janeane Garofalo walked in front on my car yesterday. I was on Laurel turning right onto Hollywood. Janeane, who I totally adore for being smart and funny (see Romy and Michelle scene stealer) and a total 'fuck you George Bush liberal' was dressed in some raggedy attire. She was with a non-descript dude in his young 40s.

How did I not jump out my window and scream, "I fucking love you, man"? Cause there are very few famous people I would pay that kind of homage to - and she is definitely one of them. Tina Fey is on that list. But I would totally faint while doing it.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Jackie Warner Works It, Sips It, and Probably Dates It

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:08:24 -0700

Yes doctor, I'm an ego maniac. And she crazy

It looks like Jackie Warner is getting her cardio on by pumping former flame and crazy biting bitch Mimi (of season 1 Work Out "fame"). The two were spotted together at East West last night.

Sources report that Jackie wore no makeup and donned what looked like a post-workout ensemble. (Don't all personal trainers hit the bar after spin class?) Sources also noted that her body was wicked hot. Mimi was reported to look less crazy in person and has gotten rid of that lesbian version of "The Rachel" as seen in that photo on the left.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Bebeh Bitching and Agador Spartacus Cruising Bev Hillls

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:16:44 -0700

Comic Book Guy rolls deep

The reader(s) have spoken! Ramblings it is.

So today I met up with two high school friends and their genius, precious, funny, NO spit that out - feh! babies at the beach. I was teased by a non-baby-having friend that I would have to sit through endless stories about ripped vadges for hours on end. No way, I told this non-vesseled friend, these babies popped way long ago - these mommies are done with those stories. I was so wrong. Not only were there episiotomy stories, but diaper comparisons, other people's hoo-has ripping horror stories, whether the kids should start kindergarten at 4 or 5, and on and on. Meanwhile I was running into traffic on PCH, but nobody seemed to notice.

Not to sound like a crusty Carrie Bradshaw but, who were these mommies? Surely not the same people I spent my adolescent years being suburbanly rebellious with? Anyhow, enough rambling.

On my way home I spotted Hank Azaria, Simpsons voice guru, Agador Spartacus, ex-husband of Helen Hunt, and rumored gay. He was cruising through Beverly Hills in the middle of the afternoon in a charcoal convertible Bentley. Sweet life. But that life is allotted to him based on his work as Agador Spartacus (The Birdcage) alone. That shit was brilliant.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend