9 posts from July 2009

My source Ace is one doctor away from scoring a Scrubs Snacker hat trick.

Ace was recently at the West Hollywood Target when she spotted Zach Braff in the hair product section. The TV doc was in a dark t-shirt and jeans and was holding a motorcycle helmet. He was with a tall, skinny, androgynous girl -- also with helmet. Ace claims the Garden State actor looked older and scruffy and was looking all around to see who was noticing him. Apparently, a few people were.

Then the very next night, Ace visited celeb infused sushi hot spot, Katsu-ya in Studio City where she sipped sake one table over from Donald Faison. Ace did not report Faison looking old and scruffy, so for all intents and purposes, I'm going to go ahead and presume that he's not and still looks as cute as he did when he was Dionne's boyfriend Murray in Clueless.

Joel McHale and Justin Long were recently spotted at Patina in downtown LA.  The tall, funny, Soup host was seated with a group of friends who looked like they were having a good time while grubbing fancy asparagus tips and kumquat sorbet -- or whatever crazy white people food they have on the menu there.

Justin Long, on the other hand, was over at another table with a lady who was definitely not Drew Barrymore. Not to worry, fans of Barrylong -- my source reports that there were NO date vibes springing forth from their table. My source did notice that the mood over there did seem sort of somber, serious, reflective. Maybe they had just watched the DVD of the horrible shitfest that was He's Just Not That Into You.

Cyndi Lauper has been trapsing around WeHo lately -- making two stops at The Abbey within a relatively short time of each other. Last time she was there, her mere mingling amongst them set the gays aflame. This time, she went virtually unnoticed. Except for me, I got a personal intro to the iconic pop singer of my youth.

Cyndi, dressed in a cute checkered dress with virtually no makeup and FLAWLESS skin, a few others, and me somehow got into a conversation about music maintaining its relevance.  The porcelain faced, formerly waffle headed pop star looked directly at me and made a reference to some David Bowie album that my Justin Timberlake loving ass had never heard of. I gave her a blank Simpsons stare, then bowed my head in shame.

I think she judged me for about a half a second, then in her heavy Queens accent said she was hungry and demanded to go someplace with good food. Amen, sister.

I have a hard time believing that Liza Minelli lives in this world. I picture her residing in some Birdcage type of condo she shares with retired old choreographers who still wear silk scarves wrapped around their necks. Liza, only waking for two and half hours a day, jazz hands firmly gripping a Costco sized bottle of Klonopin, and droning on about Elton John not replacing the toilet paper roll that time he came over in 1973. Even when she was Lucille 2, I still somehow believed she was green-screened in with old footage.

But alas, Liza is of this world. And was recently spotted at a Geffen Theater performance of Louis and Keely - Live at the Sahara. She cackled throughout the show (as one would expect her to do -- see above) and at the end she gave a standing ovation.

Furball and crime fighting chipmunk, Zach Galifianakis, was spotted in Venice yesterday afternoon - wearing a motherfucking Hangover t-shirt. Self promotion? Irony? All his other shirts were at the cleaners? Whatever, it's genius.

Galifianakis was seen at the B of A near the bum summit at Pacific across from the scabies infested youth hostel. My source says he was hard to distinguish among the rest of the pee stank riff raffs except that while they were begging for booze and Quiznos leftovers outside the ATM, Galifianakis was probably pulling out hundred dollar bills to build a fort with.

My leisurely days spent hiking Runyon Canyon with the likes of other funemployed fools and aspiring actors is slowing down. The sun has set itself about a hundred feet above the hiking trail, and pacing up and down its paths has become unbearable. Which means fewer Snacker sightings. Except for these two. Brace yourselves.

Last Thursday I met a friend for a little sunset hike at Runyon Cyn. Friend arrived looking flushed and smiley and was even panting a bit. I thought for a second she had already gone up the hill and come back down while waiting for me. No instead, she revealed two Snacker sightings, the latter of which literally left her breathless.

First up - on her walk from the car to the hill, my pal spotted Jason Schwartzman. Yes, I'm aware hipsters don't hike. He wasn't. Instead, Schwartzman was exactly where you think you'd spot him - sitting in an old 1970s style limo with a bunch of other ironicly facial haired men. The car drove by with Max Fischer sitting shotgun, looking cooly out the window.

And then within minutes Mr. Fergie, Josh Duhamel, came flying down the hill on a bicycle. Shirtless. This inspired a permagrin on my friend. (I think it's still there 5 days later). I appreciate Duhamel's chiseled good looks, but he suffers from a bit of doucheface -- meaning that when he was in high school he was probably a dick to girls and had to cheat off freshman in his remedial English class. Also a victim of doucheface -- this guy.

It's been a while since a Snacker has come in from my mom. She's called to report a few sightings - that she saw so and so at Starbucks chewing gum like a cow only to finish the conversation with, "But I couldn't remember his name. He's, you know, that guy. From the show. With the girl."

Mom however redeemed herself with a spotting of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne at a Sunday night viewing of Bruno at The Commons. Mom reports that Ozzy sat perched on the edge of his seat, staring intently at the screen while hundreds of dick jokes seemed to fly right over his creaky old head. Sharon, on the other hand, was laughing hysterically and occasionally leaned over to explain to Ozzy what he just missed. True love, y'all.

After the movie ended, the Princess and Prince of Fucking Darkness stumbled out into suburbia where Ozzy quickly replaced his eye glasses with his requisite sunglasses.

I'm not sure what the street cred rating is on Pete Wentz these days. Can you father a child with a pop tart and still be, you know, emo?

Anyhow, I spotted the Godfather of Guyliner while strolling the halls of the E! building yesterday afternoon with my pal, The Answer Bitch. Wentz was with a small entourage of eager publicist types and handlers (see: insecure, bitchy, zaftig girls who just moved out of their state school's sorority house and are trying to make it in the big city - with the help of daddy's credit card). Yes, that's a sweeping (but accurate) generalization.

The little rock star was wearing tight red skinny jeans, a hoodie, and topped it off with the requisite indoor sunglasses. Perhaps he was hiding blurry, puffy eyes from getting all EMOtional at MJ's memorial? Maybe not, as all 5'1 of him seemed to be a genuinely cheerful guy.

There are two types of human beings in the world - the rare breed of those who don't know who the Jonas Brothers are, and those that Disney has tried to trick into thinking they are attractive virginal rock gods. This Snacker is about the former.

Nick Jonas (the young one, the talented one, the Diabetic one) recently got his chai latte on at Aroma in The Valley. According to my source, the cute Diabetic put in his order with the world's most clueless barista. The ordeal went down like this: