Celeb Snacker

Laura Dern is a fantastic actor - who hasn't been in much lately. Why?? Maybe she's all cuddled up with Ben Harper, making sweet music and sipping on chai lattes.

I have very few details on this Snacker spotting but a source was at Intelligentsia in Venice this week and saw Dern sitting at a table with a man and another woman.. My source did manage to capture proof of this spotting with photographic evidence of their leftovers.

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As far as I'm concerned, Jay Z is the only rapper left in the game. And Autotune is total shite (Kanye excluded). Listening to it while driving around LA gives me instant road rage.

Anyhow, Jay Z was in LA recently and I got a breathless phone call from a source who spotted him outside the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills. HOVA was dressed casually in a t-shirt, jeans, and sunglasses and stood outside the hotel restaurant, waiting for a friend. EVERYONE noticed him and no one could contain their glee, including a table of giggling ladies in hijabs.

Warren Beatty used to run Hollywood with his magical cock of charisma. Now he's 72 years old, and married with kids - and guess what, he's still a pussy magnet. If Zac Efron looks half this good when he's 72, he'll be lucky.
My source saw Madonna's ex walking in Westwood Village about a week ago holding hands with two adolescent girls - his daughters. Source couldn't believe how amazing this man looked - especially for his age. 72 used to be old - like confined to a bed and not able to chew solid foods old.

My source, HornyMom77 (she's back, y'all!) got all frisky-feeling when she spotted Adrian Grenier celebrating his birthday brunch not too long ago at Little Dom's in Los Feliz.

According to Mom, Grenier was seated at a table with a wacky entourage that was made up of  "three pretty but mostly anorexic ladies (one of whom was clinging to his arm the ENTIRE meal and didn't have a bite to eat), a guy that looked like a roadie (I'm thinking he's a down-and-out brother who still lives in the garage --ala Johnny Drama), and his grandma???"

At the end of the meal, Adrian received a card and they all took a group photo.

Later a chubby guy rolled up in a hot boxed Maybach and off they went to some place that flings original works of art into the air and lets you shoot at them with a paint gun. Or something like that.

Not all Snacker sightings are glamorous. Not every celeb is a crush worthy creature prompting you to have vivid dreams about them flat ironing your hair (ahem, Justin Timberlake whose sexiness manifested itself as a hair dresser in my sleep the other night).

In fact some celebs are Mindy Cohn -- and yet your reaction to seeing them in person is just as exciting as say, a Jude Law spotting. Sort of. Point is, Natalie from the The Facts of Life is a beloved fixture of childhood and when I saw her at a cook out at a house at the bottom of Temescal Canyon, I squealed. Not sure who lives in this mysterious house in the middle of a park but there she was, short butchy hair, almost unrecognizable if not for the fact that I interviewed Cohn a few years ago (and LOVED her) and she had the same hair style.

Then last night, at the Trader Joe's in West Hollywood, I spied a scowling old woman hobbling towards me. I caught myself staring at her, did a few double takes, and when the surly looking octogenarian opened her mouth and complained that, "It's freezing in here!" to no on in particular, then I was sure that it was, Mrs. Costanza, aka Estelle Harris from Seinfeld. She looked...old.

My source Ace is one doctor away from scoring a Scrubs Snacker hat trick.

Ace was recently at the West Hollywood Target when she spotted Zach Braff in the hair product section. The TV doc was in a dark t-shirt and jeans and was holding a motorcycle helmet. He was with a tall, skinny, androgynous girl -- also with helmet. Ace claims the Garden State actor looked older and scruffy and was looking all around to see who was noticing him. Apparently, a few people were.

Then the very next night, Ace visited celeb infused sushi hot spot, Katsu-ya in Studio City where she sipped sake one table over from Donald Faison. Ace did not report Faison looking old and scruffy, so for all intents and purposes, I'm going to go ahead and presume that he's not and still looks as cute as he did when he was Dionne's boyfriend Murray in Clueless.

Joel McHale and Justin Long were recently spotted at Patina in downtown LA.  The tall, funny, Soup host was seated with a group of friends who looked like they were having a good time while grubbing fancy asparagus tips and kumquat sorbet -- or whatever crazy white people food they have on the menu there.

Justin Long, on the other hand, was over at another table with a lady who was definitely not Drew Barrymore. Not to worry, fans of Barrylong -- my source reports that there were NO date vibes springing forth from their table. My source did notice that the mood over there did seem sort of somber, serious, reflective. Maybe they had just watched the DVD of the horrible shitfest that was He's Just Not That Into You.

Cyndi Lauper has been trapsing around WeHo lately -- making two stops at The Abbey within a relatively short time of each other. Last time she was there, her mere mingling amongst them set the gays aflame. This time, she went virtually unnoticed. Except for me, I got a personal intro to the iconic pop singer of my youth.

Cyndi, dressed in a cute checkered dress with virtually no makeup and FLAWLESS skin, a few others, and me somehow got into a conversation about music maintaining its relevance.  The porcelain faced, formerly waffle headed pop star looked directly at me and made a reference to some David Bowie album that my Justin Timberlake loving ass had never heard of. I gave her a blank Simpsons stare, then bowed my head in shame.

I think she judged me for about a half a second, then in her heavy Queens accent said she was hungry and demanded to go someplace with good food. Amen, sister.

I have a hard time believing that Liza Minelli lives in this world. I picture her residing in some Birdcage type of condo she shares with retired old choreographers who still wear silk scarves wrapped around their necks. Liza, only waking for two and half hours a day, jazz hands firmly gripping a Costco sized bottle of Klonopin, and droning on about Elton John not replacing the toilet paper roll that time he came over in 1973. Even when she was Lucille 2, I still somehow believed she was green-screened in with old footage.

But alas, Liza is of this world. And was recently spotted at a Geffen Theater performance of Louis and Keely - Live at the Sahara. She cackled throughout the show (as one would expect her to do -- see above) and at the end she gave a standing ovation.

Furball and crime fighting chipmunk, Zach Galifianakis, was spotted in Venice yesterday afternoon - wearing a motherfucking Hangover t-shirt. Self promotion? Irony? All his other shirts were at the cleaners? Whatever, it's genius.

Galifianakis was seen at the B of A near the bum summit at Pacific across from the scabies infested youth hostel. My source says he was hard to distinguish among the rest of the pee stank riff raffs except that while they were begging for booze and Quiznos leftovers outside the ATM, Galifianakis was probably pulling out hundred dollar bills to build a fort with.